I remember when we were kids, my friend and I had our bikes stolen. I saw them–unmistakeably our bikes–sitting outside an apartment across the street a week later. I took my bike back, and when we went back to grab the other one, someone chased us down and shouted at us until we surrendered it to them. Then we came back a few hours later, the bike still sitting there, unlocked, and grabbed it once again. Most petty criminals aren’t too bright.

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Months later I’m carrying a bunch of trash to the dumpster, two days away from moving out of the apartment, when I see my bike chained up by an apartment two doors down from mine. I grabbed bolt cutters from the office and stole that shit back so fast dude. Later that day I saw a dude and lady walking around looking for it.

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